You must be an ILLINOISAN if...

• You've never met any celebrities
• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway
• You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular
• You measure distance in minutes
• Down south to you means Kentucky
• You know several people who have hit a deer
• You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines"
• You think Chicago is a completely different state from Illinois.
• You know the answer to the question, "Is this Heaven?"
• Your school classes were cancelled because of cold
• Your school classes were cancelled because of heat
• You know where all the Yoders live
• You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way
• You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
• You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
• You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July
• Stores don't have bags, they have sacks
• You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
• You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what fime of the year.
• You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
• You can locate Illinois on the United States map
• Detas sling was your first job
• You've ever been on a "Geode Runt"
• Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
• You pronounce Illinois without the 5
• You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked
• You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows
• When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, "It was different."
• You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor
• People from other states love to hear you say "Illinois" and other words with "Os" in them.
• Your dream vacation is a trip to Rock Home Gardens
• You carry jumper cables in your car
• You know what the numbers 1-80, 74 and 57 mean You know what "cow tipping" is