SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT
News Flash:
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university
physicists. The element, tentatively named "Administratium", has no
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However,
it does
have one neutron, 15 assistant neutrons, 70 vice neutrons,, and 161
assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 247.
These 247
particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called "morons". Since
it has
no electrons, Administratium is inert.
It can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it
comes into contact. According to discoverers, a minute amount of
Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over four days to
complete. Without the Administratium, the reaction occurs in less
than one
second. Administratium has a half life of approximately three years,
at
which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant
vice neutrons exchange places. Studies seem to show that the atomic
mass
actually increases after each reorganization.
Research indicates that Adminstratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere.
It tends to concentrate in certain locations such as governments, large
corporations, and especially universities. It can usually be found
polluting the best appointed and best maintained buildings. Scientists
warn that Administratium is known to be toxic and recommend plenty of
alcoholic fluids followed by bed rest after even low levels of exposure.