A peacemaker’s personal battle

GOSHEN, Ind. – When Goshen College Associate Professor of Peace, Justice and Conflict Studies Carolyn Schrock-Shenk was growing up in a Conservative Mennonite home near Middlebury, Ind., she was, at one point, the fastest runner in her elementary school and was an all-around athlete. But her life was forever changed when, as a senior in college in 1980, she was in a car accident and was seriously injured with broken vertebra. “I was told I miraculously escaped paralysis,” she said. “I said then that it was because God knew I couldn’t handle life in a wheelchair.”

From 1980 to 2003, Schrock-Shenk was able to walk and move fairly freely. She and her husband Dave Schrock-Shenk served with Mennonite Central Committee in the Philippines and in Lancaster, Pa., and she directed Mennonite Conciliation Service before accepting the teaching position at Goshen College in 2000.

But Schrock-Shenk slowly lost function in her legs and pain became a constant challenge, which brought her to the place of needing to make a decision about whether to have spinal cord surgery to stop the deterioration or not. “I was told by my surgeons that I would regret the surgery whenever I did it,” she said. “If it was successful, I would regret not having done it earlier and preserved more function. If it wasn’t successful, I would regret having done it at all.”

After months of deliberation and help in discernment from friends and family, Schrock-Shenk traveled to a spinal cord specialty center in Miami, Fla., for extensive and invasive surgery. But, unfortunately, the procedure in the fall of 2003 was only the beginning of a long and intense medical journey. Over the next two years, she experienced constant setbacks, undergoing 11 surgeries and experiencing rapid loss of function that has left her with no function below chest level.

Those years were excruciatingly difficult as her struggle for physical survival was mixed with dashed hopes, despair, questions about suffering and healing, and much deep grief. “While I have come a long way,” said Schrock-Shenk, “I will never be completely done grieving. There are times when I am suddenly filled with an intense longing for the body and life I once had.”

During those all-consuming two years, Schrock-Shenk was unable to teach her conflict studies courses or practice conflict transformation work. But in 2005 she returned to the classroom – to the pleasure of her students – in her wheelchair. “During the discernment period I was emphatic that I would never teach in a wheelchair,” said Schrock-Shenk, “now here I am. Peacemaking has become a very personal thing – trying to make peace with what life has handed me.”

Part of making peace internally has involved coming to terms with a new identity. “Even through the years of gradual loss, I understood myself to be fast-paced, full of energy, self-sufficient, able to multi-task, a risk-taker,” Schrock-Shenk said. “But those characteristics no longer fit.” Before needing a wheelchair, she described herself as “fiercely independent.”

“Now I am having to learn the hard lesson of being helped day after day,” Schrock-Shenk said, “And I’m very grateful for a supportive family, church and campus community that is making the learning easier.” But she has also sought to gain back some independence. She bikes again using a hand-pedaled bicycle; she learned how to drive a vehicle with hand controls; she navigates around campus in an electric wheelchair that even offers the ability to stand for periods of time.

The recent purchase of a van outfitted with hand controls, though, has given Schrock-Shenk a new lease on her changed life. When she drives her new van around town – to run errands, to haul her two sons Caleb and John to soccer practice or piano lessons, or to go to church at Assembly Mennonite on Sunday mornings – she is experiencing a sense of freedom that she hasn’t had for the last several years.

Made possible by contributions from many generous family members and friends, one gift that she received towards the van stands out in her mind. Near the end of the fall semester, a student of Schrock-Shenk’s walked into her office with a manila envelope. When she opened it, inside was $200 and a homemade card – signed by 13 of her students – that said, “We love you, Carolyn. We heard you were raising money for a van and we wanted to help.”

Though her identity now also includes being a person in a wheelchair, this peacemaker, teacher, mother, spouse and friend continues to learn how to persevere in the midst of her greatest personal battle – which is probably one of the best lessons she can offer her students.

“I do not understand God’s role in suffering and healing, and I am coming to terms with the ongoing mystery in that. What I am clear about, however, is that God specializes in helping us to mine the gold from these difficult situations and that much good can be part of my future,” she said. “I am trying to trust that this life, so very different from what I wanted, can be rich and meaningful and complete. And that it can be a blessing to others.”

For a more detailed telling of Carolyn Schrock-Shenk’s story, see Dreamseeker Magazine, Spring 2006, Vol. 6, No. 2. www.cascadiapublishinghouse.com/dsm/spring06/current.htm.

Editors: For more information about this release, to arrange an interview or request a photo, contact Goshen College News Bureau Director Jodi H. Beyeler at (574) 535-7572 or jodihb@goshen.edu.

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Goshen College, established in 1894, is a four-year residential Christian liberal arts college rooted in the Anabaptist-Mennonite tradition. The college’s Christ-centered core values – passionate learning, global citizenship, compassionate peacemaking and servant-leadership – prepare students as leaders for the church and world. Recognized for its unique Study-Service Term program, Goshen has earned citations of excellence in Barron’s Best Buys in Education, “Colleges of Distinction,” “Making a Difference College Guide” and U.S.News & World Report’s “America’s Best Colleges” edition, which named Goshen a “least debt college.” Visit www.goshen.edu.