In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe, there is a character who doesn’t know he is a descendant of Attila the Hun. He can’t figure out why herds of marauders in fuzzy hats occasionally charge through his consciousness. That is sort of how I feel when people start disagreeing about politics: they turn into ranting barbarians. I’ve noticed that I am not immune to this – possibly something in the family ancestry my parents forgot to tell me.

Several years ago while working for a state agency, my coworkers and I got into a lunchroom conversation about the looming war in Iraq. When I shared that I had attended a recent anti-war rally, one of my workplace friends turned a little red. She said that Saddam Hussein was a murdering maniac and that war was the only way to stop him, and that no informed, intelligent person could come to any other conclusion. The bitterness and anger of her statement pretty much shut down any further discussion! The group awkwardly switched to other topics, and I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling offended and ticked off. A few angry Huns galloped through my brain.

Later, I described the conversation to my teenage son. “Yeah, that seems to be how people usually react to someone with the opposite point of view,” he observed. “They assume the other person just doesn’t really understand what’s going on.” This calm wisdom coming from one so young completely swept away my feelings of offense toward my coworker. I knew it described me as well as her. The Huns relaxed, took a deep breath and went off for a smoke in their yurts.

Once I put aside my hurt feelings, I did understand why she favored war with Iraq. She is a Cambodian immigrant whose family barely escaped the Khmer Rouge genocide of the 1970s. She saw in Saddam Hussein another Pol Pot. This understanding allowed me to squelch my inner barbarian and be open to many more interesting conversations with her about war, the danger of corrupt leaders and the life events that form us and our opinions. Our friendship deepened. If we hadn’t disagreed, that wouldn’t have happened. And it was much more interesting than just sticking to our guns.

I believe it does matter who gets elected. Choosing leaders is important, even scary, when you think about how that one powerful person could affect the things about which you care most deeply. But there is something else that matters, too: the interactions right here, with my family, friends and coworkers. It takes work to overcome that anger and offense you feel when someone stomps on your opinion. Like really hard barbarian-battling work. I’m not as good at it as my son, who grew up in multicultural schools with friends from all sorts of backgrounds. But I do want to try. We don’t have to live our lives barricaded against outsiders. We can reach those deeper levels of understanding and friendship. It’s more than just interesting - it is the first step toward peace.