Home Page About Me ADD Resources Depression Resources
In 1995 I began to experience prolonged periods of deep sadness and anxiety. I felt like some catastrophic event had just happened - or was on the verge of happening. Many times I wanted to crawl in a corner and cry.
In addition to working and having a spouse and family, I was trying to finish my Ph.D. studies. After a year of making very little progress, I began to doubt I could finish the dissertation. I could not concentrate long enough to read research papers; I would read several pages and not be able to recall what I read; I would read for 10 minutes then need to walk around and take a break.
After several months of coping on my own, I shared my feelings and experiences with my spouse and with a group of close friends. Everyone was very understanding and encouraged me to seek professional help. I contacted a therapist at a local mental health facility and, at the age of 45, was diagnosed as depressed and ADD (adult Attention Deficit Disorder). I began regular meetings with my therapist and was referred to a psychiatrist for medication management.
I often wondered whether or not I was ADD - my elementary and high school teachers often said I did not work up to my potential; I am easily irritated; I'm attracted to jobs that involve frequent interruptions or to tasks that involve acquiring new skills; I have a low tolerance for boredom - I will walk out on a presentation I find uninteresting, useless, poorly prepared or not to my liking; I procrastinate; I start many tasks, yet leave many unfinished...
I had not seriously considered that fact that I might be chronically depressed. However, during my time of therapy, I realized I had gone through several periods of depression during my life - I just didn't understand what I was going through. There seem to be two components to my depression - dysthymia (long-term chronic symptoms that can flare up into more major depression episodes) and seasonal affective disorder, SAD (depression brought on by light depravation during the winter months).
Cognitive therapy and medication have provided me with a new life, from my perspective, and enabled me to finish my Ph.D. My therapy sessions lasted 18 months (2 sessions each month). I continue to take medication for depression and ADD. I also use full-spectrum lights in my office and surround myself with music, plants and fresh flowers - especially during the winter months when depression hits me hardest. In the winter of 2001 I started using a special SAD light at home for about 1/2 hour each morning. That is a great help during the winter months.
Depression and ADD may never be "cured," but their negative aspects can be managed and the positive aspects of ADD can be emphasized. I share my story because it was through the encouragement of friends who also struggle with depression that I finally sought help. Since then I've had students, colleagues and others tell me of their own struggles with ADD and/or depression, and how much it helps to talk about it with others.
I appreciate hearing stories of other people and offering encouragement whenever I can. I try to answer all email I receive.
| This page is maintained by Floyd E. Saner | fesaner@goshen.edu http://www.goshen.edu/~fesaner/ |
| Last update: November 3, 2004 | |